a stream of consciousness/ lyrical story. an epic poem. that is twenty two chapters long. and finally done....

(a chapter)

*.unborn.baby.

I.
Crawl.
Closer. In.
hollow bones…
Tunnels. Too. Empty.
And I can't crawl between.
My head. Is wet. With thoughts. with thoughts…
And I can't crawl between.
The. Emptying. Of.
My hollow.
move…
A.
Sight.
and/ no…
I have been here before. i know…
This. Earth. Is.
Just.
Beyond.
Her. Skin. my mom…
Stuck. Between. A. Here. And. Now. i am…
And. Push. Push.
And. slu…
slush…
I.
Am.
A. Tiny.
Thing. To. See.
a tiny thing to be/ to be…
A. Tiny. Wing. To. Beat. and i have been here before… . . . be. f . ore. . . . .
Stuck. Between. A. Here. And. Now.
I. Have. Been. i have been…
Set. Up. In. A. New.
Skin. Again.
And.


….. . . .. .. .. .. . . my face is a lantern/ a clock torn… . . . . . …. . . . .. .

And.
how many times…
How many times must I pass. The
Tunnels. Too. Empty.
And. hiccup…
In. A.
Visionary.
Liquid. Impass. i make…
I. Rake. My. Cells. Into. A. Face. Shape. and/ now/ smile please…
Let's. Skip. The. Formalities. because you know…
I have been here before.
But. W/. Double.
The. Weight.
And skin.
i'm a…
I'm.
A.
Little.
Little. Now.
i'm a little birdie/ cow…
I'll. Stretch. My. Feathers. Mark. My. Tethers. And. ha…
Break. Me. Out. Of. This.
hate me out a fist…
Push me out.
Of. it's…
I.
Have. A.
Sister. splits…
my head is on backwards…
Who. Is. This. Girl. To. Me? she's atta thority...
Life is such an enormity. And I am just an unborn thing. a thing/ and/ and/ and…
And now that I have a body.
Am I on my own?
oh no…
A.
Baby.
Was. In.
Here. Before. Me.
A moment suspended. And a fertilized egg. again…
There. Is. Someone. Out. There. A. Little. Older. Than. Me. and soon…
Soon I'll have a mommy to call my own. a home…
and a name/ to float/ ka ka…
Caught. Under. A.
Stretched.
Belly.
I.
Am.
I am a baby. sta…
Sad. But. Slippery. and i am…
And I can really move around in here. and kick…
I push out and over jean. and gee…
Little me. Kicks out.
At a round.
Wall.
kt…
And.
I push out.
and/ i/ push/ out…
And. My. Mother. Drops. Water. shit…
as her legs cross quick…
Closed. And.
I twist.
Like.
A.
Ferris.
Wheel. this…
I am drowning. And sick. and i am breathing…
And I am breathing.
And. I. Am.
Empty.
And.
I.
Am.
screaming…
I am empty. I am empty. and i am moving…
quick trip into a fall…
And my mother.
Is. Gurney.
Bound.
bright lights…
I am empty. But full. and i move…
And. I. Feel. A. Panic. In. Her. Pulse. her pulse…
And like a yawn that won't break.

She expands w/ me.
stop…
She expands w/ me.
stop…
She expands w/ me.

come on mommy/ push/ push/ push/ and…
I'll become more than in utero.
yes…
I.
Will.
Stretch. Out. Into. Old. Bones. and on her back…
My mother yells. As.
The doctors.
Say.
Breech. to me…
as the doctors say breathe real deep…
I am equal parts water and future debris. and/ and…
My gut is telling me.
When.
I.
Am.
Older.
Things'll get hard.
but i can't stop it now…
This movement forward. this…
Stars of a different weather. don't forget her…
my existence means well…
And.
I.
Tuck.
My. Head. In.
three fingers hold my leg/ but…
I won't be forced to face you. i'll choose to…
Darkness. And flecks. do…
somersault/ and…
Now.
My.
Head.
Points down.
For. Forever. and a day/ you say…
I have knees in my face.
And. So.
I.
Straighten.
and so i straighten…
Into. A. Newborn. Dive. a hive/ a life…
And I have broken free.
Properly.
And.
Almost.
Head. First.
i rush out of your womb…
And from one world to the next. ka…
Comfort is a string.
I missed.
And.
A.
Finger.
I. Kissed. And.
A. Thumb. In. My. Mouth. not open for long/ and i…
I. Am. Happy. To. Internalize.
And. Thunder.
My.

- - -- - my questions will never be answered here - - - - -


And. Slice. My. Thread.
That. Untangled. Me. And was a beginning. mine…
And scrub off my liquid home.
I don't like.
This.
I feel lost. I.
I am just a baby. Born.
With my eyes smashed shut.
Carried to a table. W/ a cloth. And more. i…
and scrub off my liquid home…
W/out an answer.
Or a chance.
Here.
A.
Cell.
That made more. i…
I've been packaged up like a gift in fleece. … .. .
and baby dust/ cry. . . … .
And I am quiet in arms.
I only knew through.
Folds.
Of.
A.
Belly.
And she holds me.
As I watch the room retreat. and sleep…
i have a loving mom here…
And a sister peeking.
I really wanted.
One.
has a…
Smiling face.
And. In. My. Eyes.
I match her. Because. I'm happy too.
And my new world dulls to a gentle hum. a mom…
As a monitor sounds.
And. I.
Look.
At.
Life.
Again.
Covered.
In flashing lights.
a big scary place/ i think…
I must have landed on the sun. and dun…
Because I don't know any of these textures. these spaces…
It's a big place. W/ moving faces.
and the voices…
Unrecognizable. Vibrations. Are.
But. My. Sister. Has. A. Voice. That. I. Know.
And my mother. real close…
Are known to me.

- - - -- - --- -and i'm forged from you --- - - - - - - ---- -


In this flashing life.
And these flashing lights. are…
Are making me dizzy. these strange things and strangers…
Rushing around.
And. Making.
Me.
Tired.
(of this motion) and…
I feel like I need captions to explain. explain…
How this life thing works.
And from a mind.
To a mind.
And.
An.
Eye.
To an eye.
i want to send her…
A baby thought was just born today. and now i want…
I don't even think it is possible.
And. I. Grab. On. Tight.
And scrunch up.
my…
My.
Folded brain.
Is a dented can. and i'm scared…
I am a baby in a blanket. But I want back in.*


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© 2006 kristen bronson all rights reserved
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